“Don’t look back – you’re not going that way” … Margi Harrell
I recently had a talk with my wise, old-soul son about my attempts to reconstruct a post-cancer life in which he asked me: “Why are you trying to go back?” I thought about it for a moment and offered a series of “Real-World” answers about money, work and reclaiming lost time. His response was: “I’m not asking you about things mom. I’m asking you who you want to be and where you want to go now … now that you are different and life for you is different. Why are you trying to go back to who you were?” Darn kid … so insightful …
I had fallen into the trap of thinking that in order to show myself … and everyone else … that I was well again I needed to go backwards and do what I used to do. Well now that was just plain silly! I’m not even the same person who began this journey four years ago. I have sat with aforementioned questions and realizations for a few days and I’ve come to a few conclusions: a) The old road wasn’t that great anyway, b) Mom was wrong – the devil you know really isn’t better than the devil whom you do, c) Capital “L” Life really is liberally sprinkling signs and helpful strangers along this new road to support me, and d) I am here. I have survived and more than that I have thrived.
I believe that on this new road there is something for me to do and further to that I believe that if I just keep my eyes, ears and heart open it will become apparent what that “something” is. Faithful Fran is a big believer in and reader of portents and signs and she has Perky Polly and Sunshine Sue absolutely convinced that good things are racing towards us. Life assures me that He has brand-new hiking boots strapped on so that I will never walk alone and that … indeed … there are truly remarkable, upcoming co-ventures for us to indulge in. And so …as I write this I take a big breath and a last look back … at the life, the person and the way of being that I used to know … place my hand in the jumbo-sized hand of Life and set my gaze on tomorrow … after all there’s no point in looking back any longer … I’m not going that way.
Godspeed and Joyful Journeying Everyone.